Understanding ATTACHMENT PANIC

By Christine D. Fazio, LMHC — Psychodynamic & Relational Therapist

There’s a specific kind of panic that doesn’t always come with a name—but you feel it deeply. It may show up when someone pulls away from you, when a text goes unanswered, or when you sense a shift in tone from a loved one. Your heart races, your mind spins, and you feel flooded, unsafe, or suddenly alone.

This is what I call adult attachment panic— a visceral, emotional reaction rooted in the fear of disconnection. And if this feels familiar, you’re not broken or overly sensitive. You’re likely responding to something old, protective, and deeply human.

What Is Adult Attachment Panic?

Attachment panic is an intense emotional reaction triggered by perceived threat to a significant relationship. It’s the adult echo of a much earlier experience—when connection was tied to survival.

You may feel:
- Fear that someone is leaving or will reject you
- A deep urgency to “fix” or restore connection
- Physical symptoms—tight chest, nausea, shaking
- Self-blame or hyper-focus on what you “did wrong”
- A collapse into despair or emotional numbing

This isn’t drama. It’s your nervous system doing what it learned to do in the face of potential loss.

Why Does This Happen?

If you grew up in an environment where emotional connection was unpredictable, conditional, or inconsistent, your attachment system likely developed some high-alert settings.

When a current relationship starts to echo even a hint of that early instability, your body remembers. The panic doesn’t always align with the present situation—but it makes perfect sense through the lens of your history.

“I Know It’s Irrational, But I Can’t Stop the Feeling”

That’s the thing about attachment panic—it often doesn’t respond to logic. You may know someone isn’t leaving, or that you’re reading into something, and yet your body reacts like it’s an emergency.

This is where relational, psychodynamic therapy can help. Together, we slow down the automatic response and begin to understand where it came from—and how it plays out in your life now.

What We Explore in Therapy

In therapy, we don’t pathologize your attachment needs. Instead, we explore:
- The emotional blueprint you learned early in life
- What your panic is trying to protect
- How it shows up in romantic relationships, friendships, or even in therapy
- New ways of relating that allow for safety, trust, and repair

We use the therapy relationship itself as a space to notice and gently work through these patterns in real time. With consistency and care, your system can begin to rewire.

Healing Is Possible

You don’t have to live in constant fear of disconnection. You don’t have to earn your right to stay connected. Therapy offers a space where you can begin to feel safe being attached, even when things feel uncertain.

If you’ve been caught in cycles of intense emotional reactions, self-doubt, or difficulty trusting others, you’re not alone—and you’re not beyond help. These patterns are invitations to heal old wounds through new experiences of connection.

Work With Me

I offer in-person therapy in Greenpoint and Downtown Brooklyn, and virtual therapy for adults across NY and NJ. My work is grounded in relational, psychodynamic therapy—attuned to the complexities of attachment and emotional safety.

Reach out here to schedule a consultation: https://www.christinedfaziolmhc.com/